Several years ago I received an email from a young mom who was in a very demanding season of her life. She asked to remain anonymous but agreed to allow me to share her letter with you because we both thought that some of you might be in the same boat and could use some encouragement.

“My current situation is the most stressful I have ever known. I have three children, two daughters ages 5 and almost 3, and a 4 month old son. We have just begun to officially homeschool my oldest and she is thriving. She is reading with great ease and most days she wants more school than I have time to give her. My husband works a 40 hours-a-week day job and we have our own construction business on the side. A majority of our income comes form our business, but it requires my husband to work at least 2-3 nights a week and every Saturday.

My mom and dad live near us and they are an amazing support system for us. They are strong believers and have given me a legacy of faith that I pray passes for generations. My life has been full, but then the greatest trial I have ever encountered has come upon us.

My mother has been diagnosed with colon cancer. She is currently in the middle of chemotherapy and will have her 4th operation sometime in the next 3 weeks. After a 6-week recovery, she will have a second round of chemo, 12 weeks total. My father must continue his work to keep health insurance for them both, so the daily care needs have fallen to me.

Every day for the past 3 months, I have packed up my little brood over to my mother’s home where I try to take care of her household needs and the needs of my little ones. I prepare lunch and make sure they have dinner plans: either my sister or I will cook something for them. I stay until my dad gets off of work or until someone else can stay with her.

At this point, she cannot be left alone for very long. Then I come home and start my family’s dinner, laundry, cleaning, you know the rest. My husband is an amazing help and support, but he can only do so much. He helps do odd jobs around my parents’ home on his off days, but he has so few. As the spring construction season kicks up, I may see him even less.

God has given us amazing mercy to get through each day. I don’t want you to feel like I am asking for pity about my situation. I truly am wearing out and I need help with the logistics of this. I don’t feel like I am really doing anything very effectively. I don’t know what to do about school right now. I try to plan a few things to do, but I run out of ideas that they can do themselves if my mom or the baby needs me. I will be her primary care giver for the next six months and if she ever needs treatment for this again, I will be there again. Even when this season is over, I anticipate spending a good deal of time at her house since she will never recover to the point of being able to fully take care of her house alone.

So my questions are these:

-How can I give my children the attention from me that they need while we are serving my mom at this time?

-What are some things I can do to for a kindergartener that is hungry for more school time?

-Any ideas for keeping a baby on a schedule even with unpredictable days?

-How can I have a schedule when my life seems out of control?

I truly believe that the Bible does not give an expiration date on the command to honor your father and mother. I also believe that homeschooling our children is His will for our home. I want to be a supportive and loving wife and mother to my family through this. I just don’t know how to make this work. I have dropped any other outside commitments. I can’t drop anything else.

Thank you for you time and I am sorry that this turned into a novel! I appreciate your wisdom and at this time my mother is just not herself. I so miss her daily encouragement. She has been my best friend and prayer partner for my entire life. She is an amazing woman of God and I feel privileged to serve her through this time, I just don’t know how to keep this all together. Any ideas would be so very deeply appreciated.

God bless you and your sweet family,

E”

E, you are honoring God by your obedience to Him. The Bible is filled with passages about honoring our parents; be encouraged and strengthened by the fact that your obedience will be blessed by God.

How can I give my children the attention from me that they need while we are serving my mom at this time?

First, it is always important to remember that God has fashioned your days and theirs exactly as they are. It's not as if He's looking down at you and saying, "Gosh, E has a lot going on right now. Maybe I should help her." He not only sees your struggle, He ordained it.

I had to remind myself of this whenever I was in the throes of morning sickness because I inevitably felt like I am somehow gypping my children. On the contrary, God has graciously allowed our children to be in these situations to teach them valuable lessons about life. This is, on some small but significant level, their opportunity to learn to serve others and to die to self. The sooner we all learn that lesson, the better, right?

Practically, though, I would say take advantage of the times you have to cuddle with them. When your mom naps, gather them in with a stack of picture books and read together. Fall asleep on the floor together and nap, too. Make hot chocolate during a regular afternoon tea time that everyone looks forward to. Listen to a book on CD while driving to and from your mom's house and then let the children draw pictures about the story. Bake cookies together in the morning at your mom's. Pack a video series that they look forward to each afternoon.

What are some things I can do to for a kindergartener that is hungry for more school time?

Kindergarten in our home takes approximately 30 minutes, usually less. We call a lot of things "school" that aren't seat work, and so can you. Baking those cookies can provide you the opportunity to teach her about measurement, where ingredients like eggs and flour come from, and so forth. Reading the picture books is "school". So is taking a 15 minute stroll around your mom's yard to gather leaves and look at bugs in the dirt. If she says, "I want to do more school", point out to her that these things are school.

How about memory work? Can you record your mom reading some books aloud, saying Scripture verses, and poetry? If the Lord takes her home soon, your children will have the most precious record of their grandma's voice and I'll bet they'll never forget the things she recorded for them.

What are some things I can do to for a kindergartener that is hungry for more school time?

If you can keep the baby's key events on a schedule most of the time, then consider yourself successful. Key events might be a set wake time, a set bed time, and the continuity of a morning and afternoon nap (if baby still takes both) even if they never occur at the same time every day.

How can I have a schedule when my life seems out of control?

How about thinking in terms of a flow chart or a routine rather than a schedule? There is a time and a place for a schedule, but this season of your life seems more conducive to a flow of events rather than a schedule run by the clock. I'd list everything that needs to be accomplished and then make a flow chart for you and everyone. And if some things never get done, then so be it. You run the routine, not the other way around.

Lastly, can I gently encourage you to make sure you are getting enough sleep? If you're like me, this is where you can easily cut corners to get other things done, but it always catches up to me in some negative way (being unkind to my family, getting sick, etc.) You are wise to have cleared your outside activities and responsibilities, and I know God will bless you for being such an unselfish servant to your family.

~Kendra

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